How Video Games can improve your life

Personally speaking, I’m not as highly motivated to write as before.  And not because there aren’t many readers to read my “chef d’oeuvre” (yeah, I’m just another person who betrayed his country by learning a foreign language in my 11^th and 12^th. And no, I don’t care if French is spoken in Pondicherry, it’s still a foreign language! (And by the way, “chef d’oeuvre” means “masterpiece” (I think it means so. Help me out here, Manish!))).

Maybe I overdid those brackets? But Spell Check asked no questions (thankfully)! Anyway, I love writing, but I’m “distracted” from blogging by computer games these days. They are very fun to play, and the quality of video games has noticeably gone up in the recent past. Big bucks are spent into making bigger video games which have eye-catching graphics, compelling storylines, and really unique and fun gameplay. And then I asked myself “Video games are still kinda pointless. How do I convince people that I’m actually gaining something good by playing computer games?” And these were the answers I got. Now some of them are very tongue in cheek, and so, I beg you, don’t take this seriously, get addicted to playing games, and then have your parents lash at me when you quote from my blog post about their usefulness (as if you’d actually quote it. I know my readers wouldn’t dare to quote me!).

• Just before I started to type this, I was playing a game. I got stuck at a really tough part, and I managed to succeed only after failing 30 times! Now, is that a way to develop your determination, or not?!
• Video games improve your focus. Focus on the head, kill the guy with a headshot, and save a lotta bullets, instead of pumping 30-60 bullets on his leg! And when a one-hit kill is the incentive, who wouldn’t try to improve their focus?
• Real life incident here. Manish and I decided to play Counter-Strike 1.6 at an internet centre near his place, and there were some kids not older than 12 who were already playing. We decided to join them, assuming we would have some fun with these kids by dominating them. The kids however were so good that they ended up killing us even when we had a “tactical”edge (not to mention finishing us before we could even see them. It was then that I realised the term “child soldier”). Video games teach you to be humble, because one day, you could take down your elite friend, only to be pwned by your baby sister! (By the way, click the word “pwned” for its meaning. Then thank me later.)
• And the other thing I learnt from this incident. A “tactical edge” is an advantage that sounds great on paper, but fails on you and becomes your demise (literally). For example, you decide to take out a person from far away with a powerful sniper rifle, but you’re so busy scanning the horizons for your target, you realise he’s right behind you only after he finishes you. So, don’t revel in “tactical edges” in life, but be prepared for everything.
• Never give up. Even when ten enemies surround you in a room, there’s always a way out. Well, that’s what grenades are for. Though you might have to do a suicide bombing… (Fun Fact: In Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare, this is actually a perk in multiplayer mode! It’s the ability to automatically pull the pin on a grenade when you die and kill your killer. It’s called “Makoto”.)
• Video games are the only artistic medium in which YOU (yeah, you!) are the hero who saves the world! No matter what you do (be it collecting coins, shooting baddies, putting magic spells on evil dragons etc.) you somehow end up saving the world (since that is the ultimate goal of every game)! And that’s a good thing, right? I mean, I want to do more than just reduce my carbon footprint to save the world, so video games shall I play!
• Narcissism: Even when you are a nerdy, puny little rat of a man, if you can finish that extremely tough game at extreme difficulty (yeah, video games even let you decide whether saving the world should be an ‘easy’, ‘medium’, ‘hard’ or ‘hardcore’ task) in one night, you have more bragging rights than that muscular, hunky sportsman who just came back with three Olympic medals!
• It’s extreme fun, and lets you hate your friends so bad, you love them so much after it’s over. Didn’t get me? Neither did I, but let’s keep this between you and me *gives a wink that looks like a log just hit his eye*. However, what I meant to say was that, when you play together with a good friend (and by good, I mean, he just introduced you to an awesome game), both of you are just trying to murder each other in-game; when he blocks that awesome attack you tried on him, you curse his grandfather…when he unleashes a powerful attack that drains half your health, you dissect his dead body in your mind’s eye…when you lose, you throw the controller at the TV but it lands a foot before it due to terrible aim (adding insult to injury, the TV was only two feet away from you!), and what not. In the end, you and him smile at each other and recount the happy experience of playing together with words like “epic”, “pwned”, “epic pwned”, “awesome” and somehow, the conversation always ends with “Duuude, let’s do it again!” Ah, good times, good times…
• Living your life’s most unreal dreams aren’t just possible with video games, but in reality, they seem to exist for the sole purpose of letting you be larger than life lets you. For example, tell me something cool you want to be and I’ll tell you what game to play! A violent terrorist? Then play Grand Theft Auto. A street racer with some tricked out cars? Need For Speed for you! A trained killer in the 15^th century? Assassin’s Creed! A war hero who undertakes thrilling missions? Call of Duty! It all goes to say that video games are food for that part of your soul which still holds that wish you once had to be someone a lot cooler than you really are.
• Games like RollerCoaster Tycoon and Age of Empires can teach you: How to manage an amusement park financially, and how to develop a civilisation that will manage itself with the required resources for thousands of years and continue to progress in spite of wars, scarcity, economic depression and many other terms that you can find only in commerce textbooks.
• Problem-Solving and Research: Let’s face it. Video games aren’t simplistic mindless killing of hordes of bad guys for experience points. Sometimes, they feature puzzle solving elements as well. Like, if there is a certain enemy you can’t destroy without losing all your bullets. You will “solve the problem” by “researching” a cheat code for more ammo. If the game you play does not work, you can easily “solve the problem” by cracking the application using techniques you have “researched”.
• It teaches you very important aspects of biology and the human anatomy. Falling down from a great height: Removes 60 health. Taking a painkiller: Gives 90 health. Bullet to the head: Instant Death. When you are nearing death: The screen turns red. When a dragon breathes fire on you: 15 health gets drained every second. Even modern medicine hasn’t calculated that exact an amount…
• The more civilians you run over on the street in your fancy car, the larger the number of policemen chasing you. Yeah, you really need to know that…
• How do you check if your internet works? You type google.com in your browser and see if it loads. How do you check if your computer hardware is powerful enough to last you a few more years? You try the latest game on it and see if it runs at maximum graphics. From this, I learnt that I should change my graphics card, but only after three or so years, since it still has a lot of power.
• Let’s face it. You’d rather play video games than study or work. And that’s all you need to know.

A lot of you may not be into video games (you poor sad people!) and so, you turn to “better” forms of entertainment like TV and movies. Well, I don’t mind that, and hope you don’t mind me blogging about this. If this inspires you to go get a Nintendo Wii©, I’d say “Cool! But get a Sony Playstation© or an Xbox 360© instead.” If this inspires you to brand me a “lazy freak without a social life who’d marry his computer”, I’d say “It’s a he! What made you think my computer was female?” *awkward pause*

Anyway, video games have turned from mindless entertainment into an art form, and maybe they won’t improve your life, but they sure do provide a lot of fun. And that’s that. (Hmm, that sentence sounds nice…maybe I should put it as a “sign off statement” from now on?)

And if you want to connect with me, or have your mother talk to me after she reads my blog, (yes, Booyaka 619! I’m looking at you!) I’d prefer you connect with me on Facebook because giving my contact details on a public space (be it a blog or a website or even your own Facebook profile) is a dumb idea, and renders the term “internet security” absolutely useless. And no, Booyaka 619, I’m not trying to “find your identity”, and spoil whatever secret mission you are on. I’m very concerned for the safety of my real identity, if you wish to know.

The Dirty Deed

Soon enough, my time spent on surfing the endless torrent of Facebook updates got over, and I was forced to give up, get up and get it over with.

I stared at him, forcing all the anger into my tiny little eyes so that he could see it in my steely gaze. He pretended not to notice, and gave a passive stare, then beckoned me to come forward.

To him, this was business as usual. To me, this was two or so months of hard work, all falling to the floor (literally), and he would not care how people saw me afterward. Why? Because this was how he earned a living.

He did not understand English, I think. This was because he always overdid whatever I said. The past encounters with that buffoon did not go well, and I was ridiculed by family and friends for weeks afterward, because of his “handiwork”.

Just twenty minutes earlier, I had an argument with my mother. And no amount of my coaxing, cajoling or countering could calm her down. She wanted it. I was to have it. She cited reasons which did not make sense to me. She even said, “You look horrible!” And I said, “That’s what looks good these days!” And even though she could not counter that point, I was mercilessly declared the loser of this round, and had to take my due “penalty”.

It’s normal, they say. You have to do it sometime sooner or later. I always picked later. Well, my mom figured that I was misusing that option. And so, she decided to replace the options with just one word – “Now”.

Well, as I went and sat on the chair, I realised that now I was metaphorically about to be burnt at the stake. And then, I mumbled my last wish to that half-witted destroyer of my dignity – “Trim it, please.”

That was supposed to be my bail, my trump card, my proof that I did not deserve this. This punishment could have been mitigated this way, like a dam which could redirect the destructive flood-waters. Well, it wasn’t a last WISH for no reason, because I could only WISH he actually obeys me…

Then, as he began to cut my hair (hopefully you could read between the lines and figure out I was talking about a haircut. If you didn’t, just read again from the start and laugh at my over-exaggerations), I literally saw my “empire” crumble before my very eyes (and some of it fall on my very eyes), and then visions of lions with their bushy manes taunted me. Two or so months of waiting for that hair to grow well went to waste with one barber’s pair of scissors.

As the tresses fell, I rued the barber’s “barberhood” (even though Spell Check underlined it, for want of a better word, I will keep it), and wished that at least the barbers of the future would have a form of higher education (most possibly a college named Indian Institute of Barberology(and Spell Check underlines “Barberology” as well! What is it with Microsoft Word and barbers…)) and decided that even if the Institute never lets him hold a pair of scissors to hone his skills, it should at least teach him that “trimming hair” does not mean “chopping hair off in an ungodly fashion”.

“And that was the most unkindest cut of all.” – Mark Antony

I knew EXACTLY what Markie meant.

And when the dirty deed was done, as I sadly trampled on the hair I had fondly tried to grow, I looked at myself in the mirror. Now, mirrors have a way of letting you look at yourself, and mostly promise that what you see isn’t pretty. And I stared at myself.

When I looked in the mirror before, I had seen a face with a bunch of hair that looked like the end of a mop. Now, I saw a dweeb in the mirror, and then envisioned my mom saying with a poker face “You look nice, dear”, and then turning away and laughing at my transformation from a deadly dude to a dorky dummy. But to my utter surprise, my mom didn’t do that!

She laughed as soon as I entered the house.

And a while later, my younger brother can home from school, and gave this expression:

CJ currently is in a period of mourning. He is now meditating upon the eagle, which sheds its majestic feathers and retreats to a solitary place. But soon, its feathers grow back, and the eagle is twice renewed, stronger than before and finally shows its face back in public, mocking those who had mocked it when it was “bald”. CJ can’t really retreat to solitude, but is very subdued, and assumes that whenever random strangers are laughing together, his hair is the subject.

How Laziness can improve your life

Ooh, controversial topic here! What with the big proverbs that you learn in school like “Hard work is the key to success” and being socially conditioned to work hard at all times…but in truth, we don’t really like work. When you hear people tell you “I like my job a lot”, it’s mostly because they don’t really work that much, and end up spending their time in the office on Facebook or Twitter. And who wouldn’t want that job? No wonder people end up in front of computers in IT companies, with unlimited internet access…

But let’s leave the “workers” to their work, and get back to the topic. Now, laziness is something which comes under a list of “frown-upons”, the other frown-upons being eating too much, playing loud music, not answering your eager mother’s questions after a tiring day, and so on. And so, a lazy person is berated in society for being…well…lazy! I mean, look at the lazy guy, he wouldn’t dare to go out to a shop and buy vegetables, instead, he’d order them online! And lazy people would not do things unless they were really necessary. Like, a lazy guy wouldn’t care to defuse a bomb, till there were only 5 seconds for detonation. And to be honest, I’m a lazy person. And that’s why I’m very much able to make you understand what lazy people would do.

Yes, yes you were. Just like me ;)

However, I want to blog about how laziness can improve your life. So, I (hopefully) won’t criticise laziness myself. And since I’m too lazy to think of various uses for laziness, I will just list a few defining traits of lazy people, and explain how useful these characteristics are to society at large.

The “Due tomorrow, do tomorrow” mentality

“It’s Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday, everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend.” – Rebecca Black

(Yes, I just quoted Rebecca Black.No, I don’t like her. And no, I don’t like Justin Beiber either. Just making things clear here…)

That was added just in case you still didn't believe me...

So, it’s Friday, and you have a long weekend to “chillax” (I used to love that word, till it got used in a song in a Vijay movie. Jeez, why am I mentioning a lot of hated people in this post?). However, there’s a tiny little thing that gets in the way of your chillaxing, and that’s a little Math homework. No issue, just 5 sums. So, why start early? Wake up on Saturday and do it! And the day you actually open your book to do it will be Monday morning, exactly five minutes before your teacher enters the classroom. And hopefully, I’m not the one experiencing déjà vu here.

Now, what’s so good about this? Research says that the brain needs stress to perform better and exhibit more creativity at times. And what better stress than an extremely strict Math teacher about to walk in any minute? And it also gets bragging rights! The nerd who says “I took the whole week to finish my Math homework!” is bested by the lazy guy who says “Well, they all know how lazy I am, and I could finish it in five minutes!” Awesome, isn’t it? This makes me think. If lazy people know how to do things more quickly than others, this would mean they would have more time on their hands! As Corey Ford says “I put off things, and that’s how I get those things done!” And maybe you would doubt whether the quote is correct, but I hope you are too lazy to check. ;)

I love this guy.

The question “How do I do lesser work for more results?”

Yes, work takes time. If your mom told you to buy eggs and milk, you don’t go to the store, buy the eggs, come back, then go to the store again, buy the milk, and come back again. You do both at the same time, to avoid the stress of going a second time to the store. That is basically how a lazy man’s mind works. “How do I do it more easily?”, “How can I reduce my workload”, and “What are the unnecessary things I’m doing?” are few of the questions that run through a lazy person’s mind.  And so, the lazy man is less tired than the active fools who do truckloads of work just to achieve the same results. For example, my mom gives me some clothes to place on a table while I watch TV. The walk from the TV to the table is a strenuous length: four feet. So, what do I do to avoid the walk? With my perfect aim, it just takes one good throw, and the clothes are on the table, and I don’t even have to take my eyes off from what I’m watching for more than a second!

Did I mention how much I love this guy?

The graciousness to “give others a chance”

My favourite one, here! Imagine that your younger sister is into drawing. What better way to cultivate her drawing habit, than to let her draw the diagrams in your biology classwork! Maybe that’s what the people in the 19^th century were thinking: “Who cares about light bulbs? Let Edison make them!” And poor Edison slogged hard, experimenting with different materials, failing thousands of times, while these people enjoyed candlelight dinners till he finally succeeded! Well, Edison got the credit, and maybe some monetary rewards. But what did he do? Other research! And so he slogged hard at the gramophone while other people entertained themselves with live bands, and then slogged hard at the television while other people watched plays. In essence, Edison got the credit while the other people got…everything else. Well, that’s exactly what you get from being lazy and letting other people do it. “Work hard, and reap the rewards. Be lazy, and reap everyone else’s rewards.” - Me (Yes, I quote myself, not because I’m a wise guy, but more because I’m a wisecrack.)

And add a caption to this pic as well, please?

The wisdom to “put off things till the right time”

Well, a lot of things in life depend upon timing. For example, if the examiner gave you the answer paper at the stroke of the bell instead of a good five minutes later, you would have finished the paper by the stroke of the final bell instead of being unable to complete it. Well, a lazy person’s life depends so much on timing, and for those of you who mutter “That’s preposterous!” hold your horses because I haven’t explained this one yet. There is a difference however, between a normal person’s sense of timing, and a lazy person’s. A normal person will estimate how long it would take to finish the job, while a lazy person will estimate how long he could POSTPONE the job till…someone else does it (or helps him do it, so he can make that someone “take over”), or till it never really needs to be done.  For example, if you are too lazy to rearrange the files on your computer into neat and ordered folders, you put it off till you actually remember where everything is, so that you can navigate things easily even when it seems cluttered and disorganized to someone else. I know a lot of people who have extremely messed up desktops, and I assume that one fine day, they would have thought of rearranging their desktop to look a bit more presentable, but, they were too lazy to do it, and now, they are much more able to figure out where is what on their PC, than me and my super-efficient-highly-organized-classified-and-stored desktop! And I also mentioned that things could be put off till they could be done with help from others (and by “help from others”, you must know what I really mean). How, you ask? Well, if I leave my room untidy, and I’m frequently asked to clean it, and I don’t, there will surely come a time when a guest would decide to give only half-an-hours’ notice before dropping by. Then, my mom, for fear of becoming a social outcast because her son has a room that looked like the Bhopal gas tragedy had started in it, would be sure to concentrate her efforts on my room, and within 29 ½ minutes, the room would be so spic and span, you’d think you were in the furniture section of Big Bazaar instead of my room. And I didn’t even raise a finger!

Wish my mom would take that for an excuse...

Laziness has its perks, but to tell you the truth, it isn’t a good habit. Though it might be fun to be lazy, in the end chronic laziness will only be your downfall. Yes, I painstakingly wrote this article because I admit, I’m not exactly the type of person you’d see with Adidas© shoes and an iPod© jogging the whole length of the Marina beach and back, and I purely meant it as a tongue-in-cheek endeavour, just to make you read and relate and have fun. My request to you is not to take this seriously, and then be lazy and quote from my article when you are apprehended for your laziness, because I’ll end up in trouble! Oh, and I also wrote this article just to test my limits, whether I can write the boons of a subject which has a lot of banes. Well, it was going extremely well until this last paragraph…

True story bro...or sis.

Nevertheless, hope you enjoyed this article! Thanks for listening to my begging on Facebook, and reading this blog. I’ve been held back from writing because I was too lazy to write. ;) But I’m back in form (that is, if I had any form in the first place), and will keep updating, so you’d better keep reading, awright? J